Huffy Flounce

The Swollen Goiter of God wrote:If it makes any difference, you're only a handful of posts away from a huffyflounce.com promotion.

I'll take it!

Take it good. It will involve something hung like a horse probably. Or just a horse.

I'm an animal-lover, but that's just RIDICULOUS!!

Go slowly, and use a lubricant.

Advice for when it's over:

Keep calm and curry on.

Neigh.

Uh-oh. I foresee a horse pun mare-athon.

That's rad.

Horse puns, Mal--not bilingual bike puns.

You can ride both.

You can also oil both.

I tried to oil a horse once. Somebody called the police.

Current Annoyance

I work at a doctor's office. One of the (many) things that I have to do each day is call the patients scheduled for the next day and be like "Oh hi, just calling to remind you that you have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow morning at ____ AM. Call us if you need to reschedule!"

There's this couple who has a standing appointment at 7:30 every Friday morning and has had it for four years. If one of them needs to cancel, we just don't start until 8:00 or later. A few months back, the male half of this couple asked me if I could start doing their reminder calls on Wednesday, so that if anything has come up they have enough time to call back to reschedule. I did that for a time or two, but only until I could no longer handle the utter stupidity of it and went back to calling him on Thursdays. If I can call his wife on Thursdays, I can call him on Thursdays. And again, THEY'VE HAD THE SAME FUCKING APPOINTMENT TIME SET UP FOR FOUR YEARS!!

So I called him yesterday and left a message. Heard nothing back. Today we got in at 7:30 to a voicemail from the guy saying "Oh hi, it's 8:30 PM and I just got home and got your message. I scheduled another appointment 30 miles away at 8:00 tomorrow morning, a week or so ago, so I'm gonna need to cancel tomorrow. Sorry to be so late with this, buuuuut....I JUST got Adam's message."

So my boss and I sat here for twenty minutes staring at each other and cursing this douchebag out for making us get there by 7:30 because he's not enough of a grown up to call to reschedule the appointment that he KNOWS he has because he's...again...HAD THE SAME STANDING APPOINTMENT FOR FOUR YEARS. She never even used to DO these reminder calls, but now that they exist, he can't possibly call to reschedule without being called first?!

Fucking asshole. I hope he gets trampled by horses.

Oiled horses, even.

Oiled horses, indeed. That'd fix his wagon.

But he would have no horses to pull it, oiled or otherwise.

Why are we talking about petroleum covered equines?

Oh God..... I feel a certain Horse might be imminent.

I should clarify. The male portion of the couple will come to see the doctor on one Friday at 7:30, then the female portion will come the following Friday at 7:30. They take turns, but are never here at the same time. I look forward to when the lady visits, she's delightful. But she's married to a colossal douche who should be trampled by oiled H***o.

HAHAHAHA, H***o gets automatically censored?? That's awesome!

H***o H***o H***o H***o!!!

Now you have a machine gun.

Don't give it to Adam. That crazy Danish mofo will do something terrible!

Current Annoyance

My brother ate part of a candy bar of mine that was in my room. I know, this seems like a petty thing, and it is, but here's why I'm annoyed:

I've been extremely messed-up since Jubboiter was born. You don't birth the future overlord of mankind without getting messed-up. There are now large chunks of time (days, weeks) where eating makes me fairly sick. So I savor those rare times when I have a break and can have a treat - like a candy bar - and not feel nauseous or have to immediately use the bathroom. That candy bar was like gold to me. I was also under the impression that you should always ask the person to whom something belongs if you can have it.

I stated simply on Facebook that "A. owes me a KitKat bar." Little did I know that this one line would cause my sisters and my mother to anger-chat me. "A asked Goiter and Goiter said it was ok." To which I replied, "It wasn't Goiter's candybar." (Goiter, btw, says that he "suggested that he not" and told him that I "probably wouldn't appreciate it." Goiter, for his part, needs to learn how to say a plain and simple "no.") Then my mother continued to basically say that, because of all of the things they do for us, and because we are always welcome to take food at their house (but we always ask first!), that my brother basically should have free rein to eat it if he wants.

She assures me, after this, it won't happen again, but she doesn't understand why I was angry in the first place at all over something so insignificant. I've tried telling her twice now that what upset me was not that he ate it, but that he didn't ask me first. If he had asked, I would have given him the bit without problem, even though he had been insulting my room all night.

And, as I was typing this, I was notified that my dad bought me a new candy bar and left it in our mailbox. Goddammit.

Believe it or not, one of the proposed treatment options I have for my post-Jubboiter problems is almost 100% guaranteed to make me more grouchy.